...

Remember sitting on the tailgate?
waitin for the sun to break?
or maybe just to watch it all go down?
Layin on a steel bed,
jacket underneath your head-
stare into the stars without a sound...
Whatcha gonna do,
when the lights of everything that's new
wash out every dream you ever had?

OKokay

3 more days filled with fun and interesting classes; then reality can resume. I promise more heart-felt entries- no more walk-by bloggings!

The sad state of American youth:

THE ONE! THE ONLY! ANtiiiiiiiIII-RESUME!

My name is Stephen M. Donboch. I go by Steve… or Donboch. I was born and raised in Syracuse, N.Y. I am German, and I am Irish. I lived at the same address for the first 18 years of my life; since then I have lived in 18 different places. I have competitively played 8 team sports. I was vegetarian/ vegan for 8.5 years of my life. I started skiing when I was only 3 years old. My first word was “juice”. For the next 10 months, everything I saw or wanted was also- “juice”. I have been in 5 bands and also played solo in several public venues. I can play 4 instruments and 2 songs on the banjo. I had four heart related surgeries between the ages of 13 and 17. I am completely cured. I have done my own laundry since I was 8 years old, at which time I confidently scolded my mother for shrinking my shirt, the rest is history. I can cook very well. I can sew (by hand, or with a machine). Thank you, Mom- the girls in Home Ec. loved me. I have ridden unbroken horses and mucked stalls. I wrote a thesis paper for the legalization of marijuana when I was straight-edge. I submitted an essay on “Why the entire world should GO VEGAN”. I love to eat meat and live on a beef cattle farm with 65 belted Galloways; the “healthiest beef on earth”. I have never called out of work. I’ve participated in programs with the Peace Corps. I made a full length animated film at age 17. My parents have been married twice; both times to each other. I have been to 22 of our 50 states. I have been to 6 countries. I flew to Trinidad and Tobago on a six person plane, 2 of the people were the pilots. I’ve played sports in the one of a kind, Carrier Dome; yet, I have never attended Syracuse University. Once I worked 112 hours in a single week. I currently possess every pay stub ever issued to me. I’ve made nearly a million dollars in my life time, yet have only a modest savings account. My little brother is hilarious, and I take a lot of the credit. My first concert was the Beach Boys, at the Great New York State Fair. I was arrested 16 times during my junior and senior years of high school for civil disobedience, while protesting the slaughter of innocent animals but have no criminal record. My mother is the only person on God’s green earth that makes edible coleslaw. My olfactory sense puts most dogs to shame. I love old Adam Sandler movies. I can be extremely impatient. My favorite color is currently: blue. I’ve been to a regional business meeting at a gay bar, during a drag show. I have had three college instructors younger than I. I got married in June of 2007. Children are sometimes wiser than adults. I’ve known a severely retarded man who, by all accounts is more “book smart” than I will ever be. I swim during lightening storms. My art work was used on promotional posters for a well known theater company; I was only 14. I do my own taxes. I’ve done other people’s taxes. I have custom built 7 houses from the ground up, all ranging in price from 2.2-13.7 million dollars. I change my own oil. I honestly believe that the words: “might” and “could”, should never be side by side in the same sentence. I have tested out of every single undergraduate English class offered at both R.I.T. and the University of South Carolina. I have still not gotten over the cancellation of “the Muppet Show”. I eat hot dogs raw. My wife thinks this is one of the most disgusting things she’s ever been witness to. My roommates and I rolled a rented Jeep Liberty eight times. I like to people watch, a lot. I have set up a sink, toilet, vanity, tub and medicine cabinet, in someone’s front yard with surprising attention to detail. I have spoken to someone in a phony accent, simply to prove that it impacts the way you’re treated. Halloween is just as important for children as Christmas. I have driven 5 hours to bring a friend a spare key. I pop my collar. I have dyed my hair more colors than Crayola has trademarked. I tossed a beautiful girl, fully-clothed, into the ocean in mid-December just to prove a point. There was a time when I skated in vert competitions. Zombie movies are fantastic, even though they never differ in story line. Johnny Cash is both an author and a poet. Mike Doughty is a profit. I hate cats but I have 2. I was grounded once for putting my brother out with the trash. Life without sarcasm isn’t really living at all. I’ve had a love of art since age 2. I applied to 7 schools as a high school senior and was accepted to every one. My father lost his job in 1996 and I enrolled as a double major in Fine/Art Illustration, and Industrial Design at R.I.T. I ran out of money and transferred to U.S.C. where I changed my mind about doing “art on demand”. People who go out to eat on Thanksgiving and Christmas should be smacked silly. By the end of freshman year of college I had 30 piercings. I have seen a homeless man actually use a display toilet at Village Ace Hardware with newspaper in hand. I didn’t drink alcohol until I was 22.I don’t smoke. Both of my parents are cancer survivors. I have no “inside voice”. I’ve been the traditional Central New York angst-ridden alterna-teen, as well as the extraverted life of the party. I’ve wanted to learn how to play the mandolin for almost 10 years. I attended an Anthropology course at the local community college while in high school, I was never actually enrolled. A good laugh is extremely important. My family adopted kids from Northern Ireland for the summers and all I learned was that they put ketchup on absolutely everything. I spent a summer with Canadians and learned that there is such a thing as ketchup flavored potato chips. Anyone who knows me will tell you there is a direct and unfiltered connection between my brain and my mouth. I don’t get cold. I rarely embarrass. I watched the sun rise and set over the ocean, every day for 4 years. I’ve lived in the back of an ’89 Ford Taurus in January and by summer’s end had 2 brand new cars and a 1600 square foot condo. I helped build a house with the Wilmington Area Restoration Ministries (W.A.R.M.) for an 86 year old woman who lost her home to a tornado. I am 29. I own scented crayons, Play-Doh, and my own business. I have been schooled in what “hard work” really is, and I’m not afraid. I endearingly refer to my wife as “Chicken”, but haven’t the slightest clue why. My name (Stephen) means: crown, King, or garland. My middle name (Mark) means: dedicated. I am the first-born in my family with all that it implies. Astrologically? I’m a Cancer; take it or leave it. I have grown to love the south. Some of the best people I’ve ever known, (including my wife) were found south of the Mason-Dixon. Yet, my Yankee blood runs deeper than bones. One of my professors truly believes that I “could sell water to a drowning man”. I have a 3.91 GPA. I have made the President’s list every semester since my return to college. I have a hard time believing that the President actually makes a list of anything on his own. I would never sell water to a drowning man, that’s just wrong. Someone should invent flavored crayons- kids eat them either way. My teachers say I am their favorite smart-ass. My friends agree. My father called me to tell me that he admired me for going back to school. That completely blew my mind. I asked: “Why?”, he replied: “I have always known you could do anything you ever wanted to do. I just never knew you could try so hard at something you absolutely hate.” I decided to go back to school while working on a friend’s marketing homework. I subscribe to the idea that my unique experiences make me a rare find. I enjoy being around like-minded people who say what they think, but think before they speak. I feed off the energy of those around me, but still add quite a bit of fuel to the fire. I look forward to speaking with you in person…
all of you…
Monday through Friday…
from now on.
Light me up!

5 minute Free-Write on the "anti-resume":

Poised over the key board. Ready to demolish the self-issued assignment of creating an anti-resume...What now? I could guess at exactly what that is- no, I'll research. What do I research? Anne Sexton seems to be the founder of the idea. On second glance though- none of the examples online even remotely resemble Sexton. Most of the examples given are "dating resumes". The internet's great right? RIGHT?!
Now it gets amusing: Ask the librarians. They're here to help! better yet- maybe they're here to make you feel completely inept for even proposing such a radical concept to someone over 55. "Why in the world would you want to do something like that? It all seems a bit silly, don't you think?" and "Would you even want to work for a place that did things this way?" YES! Yes, ma'am I would love to! This is the whole reason I love music...the reason I ended up in art school...the reason I just write outlandish excerpts about nothing because it's SO meaningful to no one but me!
I VENTURE OUTWARD. Expanded search: Ask my teachers. Wilk? He'll help. This seems like his cup (or stainless steel thermos) of tea (or coffee). Mrs. Laird? Not sure if she'd understand the compliment in it- but I think she too is just crazy enough to get into something like this! Now for the Psyc Dept. Zielinski's definately gonna dig this. Now to ask everyone I know: What are my most obnoxious flaws or traits?
Here's where you truly learn something about yourself. Everyone who you thought for sure would criticize you- appears at a loss. My little sister, the most entertainingly evil, cynical and outlandishly rude (inagoodway) girl I know responds: "Uh, I got nothin'". And all the really sweet people you never think to ask such a question to, just so happen to over hear your inquiry and rip into you like a pack of rabid hyenas! Ouch. What's that country song say? "Ya' find out who your friends are".

Top2 corrections for the top10

Thanks to someone pooping on my fortune cookie party:
#6 Will further more be changed to a Chick Sexer.
Apparently a machine is responsible for placing the fortunes inside the cookies, and it's all done before they are cooked~ WHATEVER.

Also:
#10 will affectionately be changed to Fluffer.
An off camera role that is just as important to the industry.

Thank you.

Top 10 Career Choices for B.B. Masterson

(In descending order of importance)

10. Adult Films (the obvious 10th choice)
-or a Walmart Greeter; a tie @ #10!
9. Skydiving/Base Jumping Instructor
8. Namer of new scented Crayola crayons
(& future patent-holder for FLAVORED crayons!)
7. Flathead Catfish Noodler
6. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer
(or the person who puts the fortunes inside the cookie w/out
breaking the cookie~)
5. Semi-pro Mechanical Bull Riding Champion
4. Braille Novelist ("...dot,dot,2vertical dots;4 dots in a square,dot".)
3. Whiskey Ambassador
2. Professional Sports Mascot
1. Explodologist

**subject to change on a whim

RANDOM realization/question:

After reading a letter from a small Canadian girl, something struck me as odd- so I posed this question: When was the last time I saw the word "singular" not spelled "Cingular"? It's just plain crazy! They have a virtual monopoly on a misspelled word!

http://brainsonfire.com/blog/

Finally a corporate blog written by people who haven't forgotten that life isn't all business, and pertinent information can still have a sense of humor! Is this a biased blogging simply because I aspire to be under the fore mentioned company's employ? Probably so- still, the blog is a big part of what got me interested in the first place. I learn something- whether it be about the industry or the people in it, every time I check it out. Proof positive that this company knows marketing is how masterfully they market themselves, simply by blogging their brains out.

Brains On Fire

...what a woeful October

My sympathies, apologies, and deepest regrets, as I have overlooked my blog for an entire month! Shant happen again.

Settin' Wilk Straight-

Attending the journalism seminar made me realize how reckless I had been throughout the earlier part of my career writing for the newspaper. The experiences of the fair brought the potentials of literacy to my attention, and helped me realized what I could do with them. We were all quite aware that the faculty had the right to sensor anything we put in the official school newspaper. If we could demonstrate to the principal and school board that we are capable of writing non-libelous, unbiased journalism, maybe they would let us cover more sensitive issues such as the suspension of a teacher. We learned that the administration could not sensor an out-of-school publication that is distributed in school, and it was our legal right to be allowed to distribute it on school grounds.

YAY! ANOTHER 5 MINUTE FREE WRITE!

GREED

–noun, excessive or rapacious desire, esp. for wealth or possessions.

Greed. What does it make me think of? Being from the generation I am... first, and foremost it makes me think of THE 7 DEADLY SINS oooooOOOOooooooo... but that only leads to the movie "Seven". Morgan Freeman, Brad Pitt and the most interesting of all... Kevin Spacey? 1995, holy crap I'm old. Junior year? Damn. Worse yet, beginning of senior year? Augh. So what is greed? I defined it. Who is greedy? Every one I think (to some extent). I personally am guilty of greed. Although I wouldn't consider myself to be a greedy person. Quite the opposite- but still guilty from time to time. In a global sense? Other nations think that our country is greedy. Just because we consume 90% of the natural resources used each year? for leisure, not necessity mostly...??? There's still 10% for the rest of them to fight over! GEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeez- okay, America is greedy. But by those standards- I AM GREEDY! dammit. I eat more food than a small African nation does in a week in about a day and a half- I drive the biggest truck ever- I have a closet full of clothes I never wear- more shoes than anyone with a penis should admit to... so I am globally greedy, but I would give you my last piece of gum if you wanted it. OR my last dollar- what the heck can I buy for a dollar anyway?! You need it? It's yours.

"ummm... I sincerely apologize for that last post."

The GRAVITY of the situation

The following is an excerpt from a live broadcast from field reporter Timmy Zahnarzt, for channel 6 news, Albany, NY, that has been repeatedly aired on CNN due to the gravity of the situation:

"...are we there yet? seriously, I'm gonna pee myself...(laughs) the irony...the channel 6 pee-on, pee's himself! (laughs) What? Oh s*@t, we're rolling?! Oh- ummm... Good afternoon everyone, I'm Timmy Zahnarzt reporting to you live from Hudson Valley Community College's job fair, to see how the future of America is "fairing". We're here in the parking lot trying to catch hopeful college students to ask them exactly what they want to be when they grow- Holy s*@t! Did you see that?! Our freakin' van just lifted off the ground! What the hell is going on?! Are you guys getting all this? This is my break- Folks, we are reporting to you live from what seems to be- that kid just did the breast stroke ten feet off the ground right by you! (laughs) um, what seems to be some sort of gravity mishap. Holy crap I'm floating! Can someone get me down, here? (laughs) It seems our intern is floating a bit higher than I, and well... let's just say she picked a bad day to wear a skirt- (laughs) What's that? Hold the camera on me damn it! I don't care if you're floating. For those of you just tuning in, this is Timmy Zahnarzt for Channel 6 challenging the forces of gravity here at the HVCC campus. From the height I seem to be at now I can see across the quad, and it looks as though we are not the first to officially notice this bizarre event. I can see what appears to be government agents and army officials not too far off. "
(static)
"...Hello again America, Timmy Zahnarzt here... we've anchored ourselves for now to the new clock tower here on campus which seems for the moment to be solidly attached to the ground. I'm here with General Wilk of the US Army for his take on what's going down...or should I say...up? General?"
General Wilk: "Thank you, Mr. Zahnarzt. We just want everyone to stay calm and know that we have this situation under control."
Timmy: " So what is the plan of attack here General? Are you evacuating campus?"
Gen. Wilk: " By no means, Sir. We have assessed the situation and are just asking all civilians to remain inside the buildings for the time being. We have determined that there is no safety risk to anyone outside the campus. We need to evaluate the people here before we can send them home."
Timmy: " If cars, and people (ducking) and lamp posts are flying away- oh crap, one of your soldiers just lost his gun- somebody go get that! How are you reasoning that this is safe?"
Gen. Wilk: "The gravity isn't gone, Sir. If it were totally missing the building would've crumbled and floated away along with the air you're still breathing."
Timmy: "So then, what's the plan?!"

The US government cut the interview short and has asked that this scenario for the future of the college be delivered in the writing of new lead anchor,Timmy Zahnarzt (though in retrospect they may not appreciate his editorial comments) :

Turning their focus toward the looming societal frenzy regarding global warming and the always popular apocalypse, the worlds’ top minds set off to put our minds at ease. Through extensive research into major natural disasters via the US government and other research super powers with unlimited funds, teams were set up to tackle each such disastrous category: climate changes, violent storms (and their vastly increasing frequency) tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis and other tidal activity, and volcanic and fault line activity, among others. Almost at a stand still for the past few years, one of the chief contributors to this research quite simply stumbled upon a more immediate problem that had been overlooked due it’s sheer magnitude.

While studying the increase in seismic activity in the north-eastern US, SESAC (Scientific Earthquake Studies Advisory Committee) discovered that, for lack of more technical jargon, they were thinking too small. A fault line was discovered in the small town of Troy, New York which appeared to be an almost perfect circle, covering enough acreage that it encompasses the entire campus of the local community college. A closer examination and hundreds of studies later, it was concluded that this fault line is so expansive that with the slightest shift it will separate this small piece of earth entirely from the rest of the planet.

What does this mean? With the round-the-clock urgent observation that still goes on as you read, scientists are predicting an unusually large earthquake within the next six months. They attribute this shifting to a currently unexplainable change in the actual mass, and, or density of this parcel of land. Long story short(er), when this happens the traditional rules of gravity as we know it will no longer apply to Hudson Valley Community College and the 2 miles surrounding it.

As horrific the proposition seems, it definitely grabbed the attention of the entire scientific community. The US government turns it’s focus to this problem at hand. How could they say no to “saving” the town that touts itself the “home of Uncle Sam” himself,

(and what better way to switch our focus from their misdeeds in the runnings of this country).

Already it has been noted, clear atmospheric changes on the campus. The CDC (Center for Disease Control) was called in, prematurely fearing some sort of new plague when students and faculty alike began having severe respiratory problems and other symptoms privy only to the likes of extremely high altitudes. It is now explained by the changes in gravity associated with the separation from the earth, the gravity is dissipating. Without gravity, what’s to hold the air and even water to the dirt? It is a far cry to say that there will be “no gravity” on campus, but within the next year changes will have to be made in order to keep the campus inhabitable.

Gravity is everywhere, in space, on the moon… it’s everywhere, and it’s unavoidable. But it will appear to be gone by any known standard in eight to ten months.

Should we evacuate? Run for our lives? Not in America! The United States government is using this as sort of research project. A way to study our ever changing world- and possibly gain an advantage. School is out at the end of the semester and will resume in Fall of 2008. Accommodations will be made to keep education of HVCC’s 12,000+ students going. Upon it’s return, the college will take more of a specific approach to learning. It will prepare students for four-year schools more prone to scientific and/or engineering studies. The school will maintain it’s junior college status, but have on-campus housing mandatory for all students as to closely monitor their health and progress. Taking advantage of being a school with it’s largest major currently being construction management, students will receive tuition grants and internships in return for aiding in the “remodeling” of the traditional campus towards a livable space to foster young minds. (Easy enough with all the construction already going on all over campus).

What changes will be made? Our minds will wander to thoughts of people, cars, and even buildings floating off into space. Truth be told, the newer buildings are securely enough fastened to the ground that they won’t float away just yet. The actual ground upon which they sit weighs just enough that the rest of the earth and it’s wondrous gravity sustain it’s position. You and I? That’s a whole different story. True to form with “life imitating art” and/or fiction, the geniuses at the pentagon have ripped off the story line of the Travolta movie, “Face Off”, and its’ wondrous prison setting. The irony of a school and a prison being similar abounds. Specific walk ways will be erected of high grade metals and your magnetic boots will secure you fast to the “ground”. School issued suits will be worn to ensure you have air to breathe, should you ever need to leave a building. This shouldn't pose a problem as they will all be connected by enclosed bridges that will be pressurized to match the insides of the retrofitted buildings. It’s said to be our first space station here on earth, really.

Campus life will change in obvious ways. You’ll live at school in new student housing. Food and supplies will be available in the campus center. Curriculum will change slightly. The class currently known as college forum, which is designed as a sort of orientation to college life will be turned into an orientation to “zero” gravity life. Just to let the subjects, I mean students, have some fun with the new experience, phys ed. Credits will be earned through a class outdoors that lets you experience the weightless feeling first hand. Comparisons have been drawn to elementary school gym class and playing with a parachute, filling it with air and running underneath. A sort of securely fastened tent will be set up in the quad for you to run around in and play “zero” gravity sports, (with your oxygen helmets of course). An entire intramural league has been planned for competitive sports in the new environment (since you can’t realistically play other schools). Special transportation has been set up to take you home and back during breaks and holidays. Parents week-end happens twice a semester. And just imagine the fun of the college dating scene in “zero” gravity!

Doctors live on campus for 24 hour aid, as well as psychologists to help you with adapting to your new surroundings and adjusting to “life in the bubble”.

Admissions requirements have tightened as to be major specific and help with grants as opposed to financial aid in return for being part of this ongoing project.

Further information will be provided as final decisions are made and the start date of the new campus draws closer. (...but why couldn't they have mentioned this to the American public before we witnessed this "uplifting" experience first hand?)

"Thank you America"- Timmy Zahnarzt

What do I do with “style”?
Posed with such a question, I would most likely have to admit to answering a question with a question in true form of my arrogance and gender: What don’t I do with style?! After my ego shrinks back to normal size, I suppose we’d move on to the pre-discussed question of defining the word “style”. Do I define it by dictionary- or by personal opinion? Then pause, reflecting on the person assigning the essay and what is the accepted ratio of truth to BS allowed? Then to be completely truthful I would most likely walk away from the whole ordeal until the midnight hour before the paper was due, remembering it only as I was either drifting off to sleep or on my way to campus. Then in a frantic wind, I would look up the textbook definition of style- and try and find my own “style” and define that- being a product of the adolescent 90’s I would then insist that I don’t fit the mold of any one style or genre of personality. Then I would have to admit that this was just an enormous cop-out in an effort to further procrastinate…that’s it!!! Procrastination! That is DEFINITELY what I do with style-

The HVCC Mission Statement-

First and foremost, let us refer back to the teachings of Thomas Wilk. In the very beginnings of Comp I, we are told that writing should be clear, concise and to the point. Americans, by in large, abuse the English language with inflation, grotesque exaggeration, over-use of big "intelligent" words and other such tomfoolery? I think that was the point- the HVCC mission statement is a perfect illustration of the bureaucratic crap that spews from corporate America. Whether it be a sad state of affairs for today's youth, or a flagrant debauchery of our native tongue...most of the college's own students probably don't even know what half of those words mean. The fact is that the college is a corporate entity with offices full of intelligent people who want you to know that they're intelligent and in charge of things.
"- to institute an integrated academic and administrative infrastructure that makes optimal employee support a priority..." WHAT?!?! Was all that completely necessary? I ask you Mr. Wilk, in your own words: "How could you make that shorter"? Just a quick jaunt through the mission statement: "...to promote the integration of pluralism...through an integrated institutional planning process...a non-adversarial and collaborative approach to the bargaining process...". Five lines into this thing- I could give a crap what the rest of it said. But, some lucky high school senior's parents are (while just as lost) saying, " They sure sound like they know what they're doin' ".
Let's not even get started on the truth of that text. "Friendly, supportive and informative support for the students...". Has anyone else seen things through the eyes of the administration while attempting to plan your future at HVCC , or dare you mention- life after HVCC? Those three over-used words are no where in sight when you were making or adjusting your schedule, planning next semester or exploring all your options. Don't get me wrong, there are some great people employed by the college. Some of us have met them, but try and get somewhere with the administration on your time...when you have a job and life outside of class, and you're not on student senate or a member of 27 random clubs and organizations.
There's my rant/blog thing related to the HVCC Mission Statement. By no means do I volunteer... but next time let the students write it.